Post Illness Clarity

There were so many meme options I could’ve used to kick this column off, but let’s not overcomplicate things: I’m back, baby.

Against all odds (though let’s be real, Vegas had me at -10000 to recover), I have emerged victorious in the great viral war of 2025. It was a brutal 4-5 day siege—fever dreams, congestion chaos, and emotional bargaining with the universe—but I made it. And now? I’ve never seen life more clearly. This is the dawn of my Healthy Era™.

You know that post-illness clarity? That spiritual rebirth around day two when you’re curled up like a Victorian child, whispering to no one, “I just want to breathe through both nostrils again…”? You reflect on how you once took the smell of… literally anything for granted. At one point I genuinely wished I could smell the filth off the dog (respectfully of course, Henry). Not even in a wholesome way. Just to feel something.

But then, miracle of miracles, you recover. And suddenly, everything changes. For approximately 24 hours. But guess what? I'm on hour 48, taggies, and I’m thriving. But wait, what about this weekend? Kansas City will merely be a speed bump on the highway to health.

I’m consuming fruits. Vegetables. I ate yogurt. I haven't had coffee since last Wednesday (don’t worry, that particular horror ends Thursday morning). My fluids? Pure. I’m talking water and orange juice. Hydration nation, rise up.

I now stretch before bed like an olympic gymnast. I moved my phone charger to the bathroom—yes, an entire six feet away—to give my brain a little pre-sleep peace. I fall asleep to spa music. This is the way!

Only thing I haven’t done yet is exercise. But don’t worry, I’m back at it next week.

This might sound dramatic, but this virus? This Vegas Virus? It was my origin story. My superhero transformation montage. I had popcorn the other night as a dessert, and yes it was slathered in butter, vegetable oil, and salt, but popcorn is healthy now. I win!

In conclusion: being sick sucks, but the post-illness glow-up? Absolutely essential.

Namaste.