What to Toss on?
Every so often, I have an “old man yelling at the wall” moment. You know the type—I grumble into the void, “Things were better when…” before sighing, shrugging, and admitting that, alas, the future has arrived and brought its streaming services with it.
Tonight’s grumble was triggered at precisely 9:15 PM. We had just wrapped up our show around 9, and suddenly the undeniable craving for popcorn hit. And everyone knows, popcorn without something to watch is unnatural—possibly illegal. But here's the dilemma: it’s too late to start a full show, definitely too late for a movie, so… what do you toss on?
Ah, the golden days of cable. You could flip to TBS and catch The Matrix already halfway in, Morpheus dodging bullets, and boom—you’re in. Zero emotional investment. Full entertainment. No scrolling, no synopses, no existential crisis.
Streaming, on the other hand? It's an ordeal. You have to choose. Then you have to find the right platform. Then the algorithm thinks your vibe is “documentary about Scandinavian moss,” and now your popcorn’s cold while you're 27 minutes deep into indecision and doubt.
And no, fast-forwarding isn’t a real solution. By the time you've queued it up, clicked through previews, and tried to skip ahead, the popcorn is gone and your soul is empty.
We do have YouTube TV, but let’s be honest—it’s the streaming version of your ex. It kind of looks like cable. It kind of acts like cable. But the minute you try to settle in and relive the magic, you realize: this is not cable.
Disney+ gave me hope for a hot second. They have these pseudo “channels” that just throw you into a movie. One time it dropped us right into Pirates of the Caribbean: At World's End—glorious chaos already in progress. Another time, boom, Captain America mid-shield toss. It was beautiful.
But tonight? Tonight it gave us… I don’t even know. Some fever dream of Mickey Mouse cartoons? Something about a clubhouse? It was like ordering nachos and getting a bag of shredded cheese rather than that gross yet glorious container of melted stadium cheese.
So what did we land on?
Oceans narrated by David Attenborough. Peaceful. Majestic. His voice soothed us, and the visuals were appealing but it didn’t fill the tiny void that the popcorn didn’t fill.