There are Too Many Love Songs
Once a week, I helm a pretty sizable meeting at the agency. It kicks off at 5 minutes past the hour, which leaves a small period of the abyss between :00 and :05 where people just...exist. Hovering in the virtual void. Staring into their camera off icons. Waiting.
And look, as the fearless leader of this digital gathering, it feels wrong—nay, criminal—to let my colleagues float in that awkward silence. So, the bit is I become a DJ.
I like DJs. I respect their craft. But in this time, I’ve learned a rather harsh reality. There are just too many love songs. And for those that need a reminder…I work with my wife. She’s on these calls.
I take pride in my music taste. It’s emotional, expansive, and, dare I say, refined. But if I had to claim a genre, I’m the tropical house guy. Chill vibes. Subtle bass. An island breeze of sound. But being a DJ isn’t about me, it’s about the people!
So I try to bring the energy. I’ve dropped High School Musical bangers. Caught a quick case of Bieber Fever. Even threw in a little All-American Rejects for the emo hearts still beating inside us all.
But then it hit me—I was starting to become that guy. The one who lives in Throwback Thursday no matter what day it is. I had to evolve.
That’s when I discovered a new song. Well, new to me. A couple years old, still fresh enough to not feel like a time capsule. It had the vibe: smooth, fun, catchy. I clicked play.
And then… the lyrics hit.
Cue slow-motion realization.
Wait... is this song... appropriate?
We’re all adults, sure.
They play it on the radio!
But oh god... is this how I get sent to HR?
Is this... how I go out?!
Mid-song, full-blown panic. I change the song.
The song was playing…actually wait I think I can link it in here.
You can judge if it’s work appropriate.
But I smashed the skip button and pivot hard into “I Need a Dollar” by Aloe Blacc—classic, safe, and oddly relevant with all the current tariff drama.
But that moment? It scarred me.
Now I listen to every song like a paranoid lawyer screening deposition tapes. “Is this beat subtly suggestive?” “Did he just say what I think he said?”
Turns out, 90% of songs are about love, heartbreak, or, uh... intimate extracurriculars.
So if one day I mysteriously disappear from the company Teams, just know: I tried. I really did. And when I toss out a lawsuit, it’s not against HR—it’s against the entire music industry.