The Bagel Button

Today kicked off like any other Monday: the dreaded pilgrimage to the office. Mandatory Monday. Blugh.

But corporate knows our weaknesses. They bait us with bagels. And, unfortunately, it works. Every. Single. Time. I now fully understand why fish keep falling for shiny hooks. Free food is free food — and one less meal to stress about at the grocery store. Hook, line, and schmear me up.

We waltzed in at 8:58 a.m., still rubbing the sleep from our eyes. Chantel had limited time — her boss needed help ASAP with cart-wheeling provisions for an office wedding shower. But first: the eternal question — bagels now or later? But we both knew “later” was just a fancy word for “never.”

So off to the kitchen we rushed, on a mission. But then... a rainbow bagel appeared in the rotation.

Why is there a rainbow bagel?
No idea. But suddenly, I was in a technicolor trance, and Chantel was left to fend for herself

Why is there a rainbow bagel? It’s not pride month yet.

“Do you think I will have enough time” asked Chantel.

Is the bagel plain flavored?

“If I turn the toaster up to the highest toasty level that should save me time, right?”

It has to be plain because what flavor even is rainbow.

“7 it is.”

It’s too risky to try the rainbow bagel.

“What if I hit the bagel button”

Wait. HOLD UP.
The bagel button??

That was enough to snap my attention away from the rainbow bagel because, actually, what even is the bagel button? Every toaster I’ve owned has had it. I’ve never been told what it does. Yeah, sure, it’s for toasting bagels but why. Does it actually matter?

Okay, yeah, I’ve had 20 years to Google it. Please stop attacking me. It never seemed that important and I try to live a simple life…simple-ish.

But curiosity finally won. I turned to the internet. I posted the sacred question on Twitter (yes, the app on my phone is still Twitter — not X) and Threads (because we’re out here trying to build a brand).

And surprise! Turns out it’s very well-known and I, in fact, have been living under an overly toasted rock.

For the uninformed (a.k.a. me until 9:12 a.m. this morning):
The bagel button activates only the inner heating coils of the toaster — so it toasts the cut side of the bagel while leaving the outside warm but not scorched. Which is, frankly, a genius feature. If only they invented this earlier!!!

Sorry, I had too.

Also, yes, I did burn my bagel this morning. No, I did not use the bagel button. I was still naive.

Anyway — that’s my Monday. I came for bagels. I left with knowledge.
That’s what I call personal development.